Something false but true; True, but false

Wonderful Definitions...

School: A place where parents pay and children play...

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich...

Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills...

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters...

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage...

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power...

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"...

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present...

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece...

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work...

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on...

Father: A banker provided by nature...

Criminal: A person no different from the rest....except that he/she got caught...

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early...

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after...

Doctor: A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills...

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read...

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight...

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life...

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth...

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do...

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together...

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes...

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions...

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise...

No heart feeling, just kidding ;-)